Sunday, October 28, 2007
S T R E S S !!!
Argh I'm too stress and my mind's in a big mess right now! I just don't even know where to start from. So much is going on! This is why I rarely blog about my problems or tell everyone personally as I believe everyone has their own problem thus why should they spare a time for my problem, right? Well as much as I can bottle up, I realise how unhealthy that is so here I am releasing all my anger.
As most of u know, my parents are currently on the verge of divorce. That idiot bastard aka "my dad" loves to see my mom suffer so much by choosing not to divorce my mom during the mediation session last two days. He claimed he still loves my mom. What a bunch of bullshit! Right outside the court, he requested to take his shirts and wateva documents at home so that he can leave for good. When questioned of his intention, he admitted he actually wanted to divorce my mom but he wants to go through the court hearing session. It will involve lawyers, for god's sake! Now, in what way does this make my mom suffer u ask? See, that bastard's wage is under $1300 per month so he can get a free lawyer from the court whereas my mom earns almost $4K per month thus she must get a private lawyer. All in all, we're epecting the bill to total up to at least $3K. According to that bastard, court hearing is a must as he also has proofs as to why he married another woman.
What fucking shits he is talking about? What proofs? That my mom and me don't really look after his well being, as he claimed? CRAPS! Though my mom's busy with her career and I've always been busy with school, never once had we neglect him. In fact, we always buy things for him especially nice shirts for him to wear to functions and always spent time with him. Ask around, who doesn't know MR HASHIM? He was extremely active at the community club back then. Everyone liked him. He was also labelled as "understanding" anyways so I thought that was it. Instead, he betrayed us and left for another bitch, whom according to him, shower him more care and concern. As a normal human, won't we feel hurt? After all our contributions, is this how he repay us or show his apprecation? God damnit! When he left us for a period of time, he came back accusing us as being too rude to him and so on. Funny or what? Being brainwashed by that bitch already still talk so much to us! Go fuck her till u die lah, bastard!
To think that bastard is already 59 years old and he's still doing all these? Isn't it more than icky? There are actually many more reasons as to why me and mom hated him to the core now. So many different people have met him over the year and he used our names to cover up for his actions. Blaming us all the way as if he's such an angel. Do u consider someone like that as ur father? What more accepting him back and forgive & forget? Lamest thing on earth man! I tell u people, until he repent for all his major sins, I will never forget everything that has happened. Forgive sounds good but don't bother apologizing now. I know I'm no God but I just can't forgive him easily. To me, it's the same as me burning down ur house (plus ur hard earned wealth) and then say sorry. Make it worst, there's ur loved ones in there. Sounds as easy as ABC 123, no?! Siao lah~!
As the effect of all the monetary issues, my mom always has a huge headache coz she thinks too much about the situation. To make it worst, that bastard has a $10K debt with a car company that is addressed to my residence. So everytime he can't pay, my mom gets the threaten letter stating they will seize the valuable items in my home. They heck care whose items those are. They just grab and go. More gila right? Luckily my mom can lialise with the operators there and they're doing their best to force that bastard to pay up accordingly. For all u know, that bastard now owns another car. How can he afford to pay? So many debts! That also includes some telephone bills he owes and so on. Major headache right? Do u still want him as ur father now? Not me, never me!
He's very much jealous that my mom is doing extremely well. She wants to see my mom fall and never get up. Too bad, God is on our side. He's also jealous that I do well in studies and so on. He never knew I worked part time before, what more currently. He'll die man if he finds out! Confirm double jealous as money's not quite an issue to us unless it's in big dominations lah. Come on, he's just a freaking security guard u know. Not to insult the work line but too bad for them, their pay is just too low for them to afford a good life. Living day by day can be such a pain in the ass, no? Now he knows. He had more than a good life with me and mom but he chose to go so by all means. After all, he hated me since god knows when. He will always be pissed if there's anything concerning me. I still remembered once when he shamelessly shouted at me in front of many people in my religious class when I called him to settle some issues pertaining to registration. He claimed I'm useless as I can't solve such a simple thing coz apparently it's just to check some papers. How am I to know? The management wanted to see him. Moreover, isn't it his duty to be a little more concerned on the first day of school? Damn the list goes on but I'm so highlighting the main events in this post.
Now, all my mom does at home is to sit and think and then pray to God that everything will be smooth. Apart from that, of couse she still cooks, washes/irons the clothes and vaccuum the house. Everything else is handled by me. Imagine how much I need to do each day? I also got my own life ok but I don't complain much coz me and mom needs each other much now. I depend on her for my good life and she depends on me for a listening ear. Basically, just someone to rely on. That's why I always tell my mom to be strong and focused so she can do her work properly and bring back that hard earned money. We can enjoy together and forget the stress. She leads a simple life now as I take care of her daily wears including accesories, bag and shoe. All she does when she's ready to go work is just to put on her clothes and that's it. All necessities will already be nicely packed and put near the main door. It's tiring on my part as sometimes school's enough to make my battery go flat but I never neglect her.
As a mother, she sometimes can get quite typical when all the nagging starts but I can't be bothered. I know what I'm doing and that's it. After all I'm not those who always bothers their parents with nonsense. We live by trust and I love it that way. My freedom was never questioned. I set my own limit and so on. Everything is the same for my mom. What a happy life we're leading. Damn, I knew not having a father around will definitely ease the burden. At least me and mom can go shopping till late night and not worry if that bastard is alive or dead at home. He just doesn't have the same interest as us since he's a typical Malay. Born in Malaysia ok! Dang!
OMG! I never knew being stress can make me write a very very long entry. I must always be stress then! Sheesh touchwood. Who doesn't love a nice and easy going life right? But being stress, to me, is also good in a way that it makes us a little more mature in facing problems that's opposed to us. Oh wells, I have this feeling I can go on and on and on but what's the point? That's it lah really. I've had enough! Pray people, that everything will end real soon. Thanks and have a good time ahead. How I envy if u do. Adios!
Signing off,
Niz
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Busy, busy & busy!
Hey Hi!
WOAH, been more than a week since my last post. Hari raya, school & work really took up all my spare times. That's why I didn't get any chance to update. I'll be very sleepy by midnight/1am lately. I swear I am a night person but somehow everything changed. Oh wells. Some changes are great sometimes right? ;)
So how are u peeps hari raya? Mine was a blast! This is the first time in almost 6 years that I celebrated for a whole week long. No kidding. Me & mom was like wondering why the heck were we so in the mood to celebrate for? But of coz we believe, it's linked to our 'freedom'. Haha! Dang, I wish the moments never ended! I really do love this year's hari raya.
School is already in the second week now. Is that fast or what? The thougt of learning Marketing, Business Communications and Events Planning & Logistics really made me excited to start lessons. It was until lessons started, that my excitement fades instantly. It's all serious shits. As usual, too many facts to memorise and now, there are so many projects lined up to be completed and graded. Stress or what? Haiz. I don't know if u call it good luck but I think it's bad luck I got a GPA of 3.6 for my recent exam. Coz of that, I was made busier by being forced to attend courses/talks. Sheesh. It's not like I want to let opportunity slip from my fingers but I don't understand why many things always happen at the same time. How I wish I'm a robot. Even if I am, I think I'll malfunction sooner than u know. Haha!
As for my work, I'm sorta regretting my decision to work on weekends. I mean, I'm not like most people where they have free weekends and such. I always have things to do every single day of the week! So now, I so called have to sacrifice my weekends for work. To think I'm only paid at most $70 per week. It's not really worthit actually. Moreover, I don't feel quite belonged to Songs Of The Sea. It's not about not having friends. More of can't adapt to the job scope. Sometimes I feel like I'm making a fool of myself in public but to the management, we're doing a good job to portray a good image (of SENTOSA) to the tourists. Ironic eh? Whatever. I don't know how long I will last here but me being me, always enjoy the moments while it lasts. :)
Guess from now on, my life will be a little rocky. I don't know why at times I felt lost, anxious for no apparent reasons and so on. It's weird and it's so not Nizam. I miss myself. :( We'll see how things goes. So far, I've got no plans to make a drastic change. Have been and will continue to go with the flow for as long as I can. One thing for sure, I'm quite sick of being the middle person. I've been giving this 'service' for FOC since Primary 6, for god's sake! Am I that neutral a person? Sometimes I fear questions of trust may arise but I guess it's quite inevitable. I don't mind and I actually expect it everytime. Come what may, I still stand on my grounds. I know myself. Haha!
Anyways, I wouldn't be in school tomorrow as I need to accompany mom to the Syariah Court. This is the 2nd hearing. I hope my 'dad' comes tomorrow and have the matter settled once and for all. Divorce is the only option to settle everything ASAP. Just get it done and over with. If only I have the rights to do anything. Sigh. Oh yeah, u people have no idea how many people actually wished me and mom good luck in life while they curse my 'dad' non stop? Awesome eh? Haha! I'm positive this moment will last for a bit, especially after the divorce is official. Oh btw, I'm just sick and tired of hearing advice from people asking me to take good care of my mom. Come on, I know my responsibilities! Ceh! :P
I'll upload my hari raya photos somewhere. Once it's up, I'll post the link so u can view them. Meanwhile, if u want to view some photos, I have uploaded some @ my Friendster. :) Alrighty, till the next post. A bentiot and au revoir people! Go figure. :D
Signing off,
Niz
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Hi there!
First and foremost, I wanna wish Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all my Muslim friends. Syukur alhamdulillah we get to meet Syawal once again. May our prayers and fasts during the Ramadhan month are accepted by Allah. On this note, I would also like to seek forgiveness from everyone for all my misdeeds. I am, after all, a normal human being who never fail to make mistakes. I sincerely apologize and may we all start a new chapter in our lives. Insya'allah, amin.
Hopefully Eid this year brings a whole new meaning to all of U. Well, as we all grow older, we do more self reflection. May we all learn from our mistakes and work on not repeating the same mistakes. I'm sure, if there's a will, there's a way. Right? ;) To those who are upset over anything, cheer up. Everything happens for a reason and we should always think positively. Nobody wants a bad/down time in life but sometimes, only these situations can make us be a more stronger person. Stay strong always. :)
Personally for me, Hari Raya this year turns out to be better than usual. Almost everyone in my huge family (both from mom's and dad's side) knew about the separation between my mom and dad. Everyone pitied my mom & me so they really want to meet us this Hari Raya. Of course we couldn't say NO right? I'm also happy because even at the age of 18, I still get green packets. As I'm the only child, I usually get the least $5. Hehe! :)
I am also happy to see my mom's revolution in life. She's a much happier career woman now. She can drive here and there to her heart's content, free from the burden of her (never understanding) husband, devote more time for her mother, devote more time (and money, hehe) for me and so much more. I knew how she cried so much while praying to god, asking for a better life. I thank god, HE actually answered all my mom's prayers. :) Now, me & mom are already much more prepared emotionally to welcome the new reality in our lives. Who says life stops without a dad & mom? No such nonsense. In fact, I tell u, life started for the both of us. May this last and me & mom be happy ever after. Hehe.
At the very last minute, I suddenly felt like celebrating Hari Raya to the max this year and for the first time, my mom was in the mood to celebrate too. It's a huge shock for me but of course I'm more than euphoric. Haha! Sadly, my grandma was a little ill so she didn't make much cookies. Just the basic tart & makmur. I bought everything else from 'Meh Rasa Johor' at the Geylang bazaar. Tasty to the max! Haha! :D To break the record, I will have visitors at my home on the first day of Hari Raya! My cousin called yesterday to say he will arrive sometime in the evening. Gee, this moment never happen for more than 6 years! On Sunday, I'll get to meet some of my siblings and on Monday, it's back to school time! WEE!!! :)
Btw, to all ISGians, it's official that on the 16th of October, it will be a school holiday. I got the email (do u?). Yayness! So to those without plan, fill that day to the max! I've got mine. For the first time too, I will have guests (my relatives) all the way from Jakarta! They are on holiday in Singapore so they will visit me, mom & grandma. Weee! Is this great or awesome? Haha! Alrighty, I need to get some nap first so that I won't be sleepy for the Hari Raya prayers later. It will be 5am soon! Hehe. Take good care everyone! See u when I see u! :D
Signing Off,
Niz
Monday, October 8, 2007
Up(to)date ... Geddit?
Hello peeps!
Gee, I really feel like a freelance writer for a magazine when it comes to blogging. If an article is usually published on a once in a few months basis, my post is usually published on a once in a week basis. Haha! Oh wells. Time always get the better of me. So here's a little bit of what's been happening all week long. Time to get up(to)date! ;)
Monday - If memory serves me right, I met Wei Long to discuss matters pertaining to the JCI organization's Family Day. We went to this T*3 Cafe @ Potong Pasir. It's a really cool place! I love it there and I really want to revisit there some day. Anyways, sad to say, I quit halfway through because I've just got so many commitments for the rest of the week. It was also partly due to my mom who nags non stop, asking me to quit! I was quite stressed out on that day too. Wei Long, if u're reading this, I apologize sincerely. I don't mean to be rude or act bossy. It was just an unstable state of mind that caused me to react that way... If somehow, u do hold some grudges, I'll be more than willing to talk things out. We'll get sort it out when school reopens. ;)
Tuesday - I was suppose to go shopping with Wei Long & Seetha in search of the hamper contents but since I quit, the plan just disappeared like that. I knew I should have contacted Wei Long to apologize but I guess it's my ego. After all, it's partly his fault. He was so convincing two weeks back saying my job is simply to help out plan the Family Day but instead, we're suppose to organize! It's such a huge difference ok. Oh wells. Anyways, to destress, I went to Raffles City for a retail theraphy. As usual, where else do I head if not Marks & Spencer? Hehe. I bought some other things along the way and also met a YA buyer. :D
Wednesday - It's like a dream came true! I finally got the chance to break fast with my BMC friends! Gee, it really seems ages since we last sat and eat together. It's almost a routine during the BMC days, even on fasting days! OOPS! U saw nothing! :P So anyways, I booked a table at Makmur Restaurant. We had an a-la carte meal. Quite delicious I must say and I really love the ice creams! It's been quite some time since I last had Vienetta, mind u. Hehe. Thanx Emir for treating us desserts! Oh, thank you a whole lot to Ainunlhusna, Amalina & Fatheen for making it. Not forgetting my bestie, Faiz, for tagging along and chipping in despite him not having quite a good time there. Right, Iz? :P A little Grammy-ish eh? Haha! Anyways, we really had fun joking around and playing bunga api. I seriously miss the BMC days. Oh wells, everyone has a new life now. :) Btw, before meeting my friends, I met another buyer at TPJC. She sounds like a minah but she wears a tudung and has a small son. How funny! Go figure.
Thursday - I rested at home the whole day. Was so tired. Btw, I was feeling euphoric the whole day cause Sentosa contacted me on Wednesday saying I got the job I applied for. I can't help but wonder what I said during the interview that impressed the team of interviewers so much. They really were picky of what we answer, from what I can see. Guess I just have a very good luck! Haha! A big thank you to Raudah (ISG) for informing me about this job vacancy. I really had no clue Sentosa was looking for part time staffs. I just wish my bestie had applied too but me being me, always think he will have a slim chance anwyays. Sorry iz. I didn't mean it but they were really looking for an outgoing staff. Now that u know what's the job scope, I don't think u're still interested, right? Hehe. Sorry sorry. ;)
Friday - I slept at my grandma's house the night before and it can't get more boring! I think if U know me well enough, I'm someone who really finds it hard to part with my com. So, just imagine my level of boringness there! There's only TV with unlimited channels and my mp3 songs. Haha! I only agreed to sleep at her house cause my mom was on night shift and my grandma claimed she needed company. It wasn't necessary actually but oh wells. My grandma is weird. Anyways, I went to Bedok Library after friday prayers to borrow some baking books and a VOGUE magazine. Btw, a warning! NEVER BUY FOODS FROM BEDOK INTERCHANGE HAWKER CENTRE!! Not once or twice, but almost everytime I buy the packed foods from there (for break fast), I'll end up with a little diarrhoea! Irritating, ain't it?! URGH!
Saturday - The most euphoric day of the week & an experience I won't forget! I went to Sentosa for a job orientation. Much to my shock, they actually put me under Attraction Host when I only applied for Admission Host. It's two different thing u know. Hehe. Just my luck I guess. The whole orientation was from 12noon to 8pm. Long hours & tiring for sure (especially cause I'm fasting) but it definitely was worthit. Made friends with Vanessa & Shaun who were also selected. They're so friendly and as eager to start work, just like me. We were taken to the different attractions for FREE!!! If not, it would have cost us $40 or so! We went to Merlion, Images of Singapore, Sky Tower, Fort Siloso & Songs of The Sea. :) Their 'theory lesson' was similar to what I've learnt in school. Hopefully I can apply everything to my job. Due to my not-so-flexible working hours, I was posted to Songs of The Sea. Wee!! I'm so happy as I can see the show a few times a week. I know sooner or later I'll be bored seeing the same thing over and over again but I take that as a challenge. I'm still planning how to not make myself be bored to death there. Haha! So after the orientation, I rushed to Kembangan to collect some Hari Raya cookies from a seller before having a late dinner. On the way home, I went to Faiz's block to collect cookies from him. Wee~ :)
Sunday - I slept from dawn to noon. I was so tired. At around 1.45pm, I followed mom to Harbourfront. For some strange reason, she really wanted to drive to work. Of course she's still scared so that's why she needed me to be by her side. I just gave her the support and directed her. I felt like a driving instructor! Haha! I must say that I'm extremely proud of my mom. She drove steadily all the way. Envy her courage. Btw before parking at the multi storey carpark, I met a buyer at the pick up point first. Hehe. I wonder why my Yahoo Auctions seems to be active lately. Oh wells. So after that, my mom tried to park the car on her own. It's freaky, man! She still needs lots of practice on how to park the car properly. I directed her slowly and soon the car was in the right lot, almost straight. Haha.
We parted ways and I went to shop for a bit @ Vivocity. So many things to buy but so little money left. Sheesh! I then quickly went back home to break fast. At around 8pm, I went to Harbourfront again to meet my mom. Mom's initial plan was to drive to Geylang. Much to our shock, the car's battery went totally flat. The car just won't start! A few people came and helped push the car and so on but nothing happened. In the end we were left with no choice other than to leave the car there and proceeded to Geylang by MRT. Mom got all worked up due to this. Oh come on. Things always happen right? Relax, can? So yeah... Anyways things are yet to be settled and I'll update again once everything is ok.
Alrighty, there you go. Another chapter long post. Haha! I think this should be up for the rest of the week or so. Anyways it's HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI in 4 days time!!! I just can't wait!!! Haha! Weee~
Signing off,
Niz
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Meez is the new craze!
Saw this Meez thingy from Diyanah's blog and I find it to be damn interesting. Just look at the virtual me! Apart from it being a little too slim, it still does look like me while having my retail theraphy, right? Hahahahahaha! ;) Signing Off,
Niz
Monday, October 1, 2007
Wet Market Trip
Hi again!
Yeps, as said in the previous post, I accompanied my grandma & mom to the wet market yesterday. Damn, can the place be more stinky & filthy? Haha. I don't know about U but I do find the traditional wet market as gross. *IF* I really have to help the two ladies buy anything from the wet section (i.e fish/chicken), I will quickly opt for Giant or Sheng Shiong. At least a little better. Haha! Nevertheless, here's the good buys yesterday. I'm so sad I forgot to snap a picture of myself there! :P
My grandma patiently waiting for her prawns to be weighed
 Something smelt fishy! ;) Wonder what my mom was searching for... Hmm...
 Colourful vegetables! Do not judge a jackfruit by its appearance... LOL!
 WTH! A PRADA bag at a wet market? :x
Signing Off,
Niz
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