Argh I'm too stress and my mind's in a big mess right now! I just don't even know where to start from. So much is going on! This is why I rarely blog about my problems or tell everyone personally as I believe everyone has their own problem thus why should they spare a time for my problem, right? Well as much as I can bottle up, I realise how unhealthy that is so here I am releasing all my anger.
As most of u know, my parents are currently on the verge of divorce. That idiot bastard aka "my dad" loves to see my mom suffer so much by choosing not to divorce my mom during the mediation session last two days. He claimed he still loves my mom. What a bunch of bullshit! Right outside the court, he requested to take his shirts and wateva documents at home so that he can leave for good. When questioned of his intention, he admitted he actually wanted to divorce my mom but he wants to go through the court hearing session. It will involve lawyers, for god's sake! Now, in what way does this make my mom suffer u ask? See, that bastard's wage is under $1300 per month so he can get a free lawyer from the court whereas my mom earns almost $4K per month thus she must get a private lawyer. All in all, we're epecting the bill to total up to at least $3K. According to that bastard, court hearing is a must as he also has proofs as to why he married another woman.
What fucking shits he is talking about? What proofs? That my mom and me don't really look after his well being, as he claimed? CRAPS! Though my mom's busy with her career and I've always been busy with school, never once had we neglect him. In fact, we always buy things for him especially nice shirts for him to wear to functions and always spent time with him. Ask around, who doesn't know MR HASHIM? He was extremely active at the community club back then. Everyone liked him. He was also labelled as "understanding" anyways so I thought that was it. Instead, he betrayed us and left for another bitch, whom according to him, shower him more care and concern. As a normal human, won't we feel hurt? After all our contributions, is this how he repay us or show his apprecation? God damnit! When he left us for a period of time, he came back accusing us as being too rude to him and so on. Funny or what? Being brainwashed by that bitch already still talk so much to us! Go fuck her till u die lah, bastard!
To think that bastard is already 59 years old and he's still doing all these? Isn't it more than icky? There are actually many more reasons as to why me and mom hated him to the core now. So many different people have met him over the year and he used our names to cover up for his actions. Blaming us all the way as if he's such an angel. Do u consider someone like that as ur father? What more accepting him back and forgive & forget? Lamest thing on earth man! I tell u people, until he repent for all his major sins, I will never forget everything that has happened. Forgive sounds good but don't bother apologizing now. I know I'm no God but I just can't forgive him easily. To me, it's the same as me burning down ur house (plus ur hard earned wealth) and then say sorry. Make it worst, there's ur loved ones in there. Sounds as easy as ABC 123, no?! Siao lah~!
As the effect of all the monetary issues, my mom always has a huge headache coz she thinks too much about the situation. To make it worst, that bastard has a $10K debt with a car company that is addressed to my residence. So everytime he can't pay, my mom gets the threaten letter stating they will seize the valuable items in my home. They heck care whose items those are. They just grab and go. More gila right? Luckily my mom can lialise with the operators there and they're doing their best to force that bastard to pay up accordingly. For all u know, that bastard now owns another car. How can he afford to pay? So many debts! That also includes some telephone bills he owes and so on. Major headache right? Do u still want him as ur father now? Not me, never me!
He's very much jealous that my mom is doing extremely well. She wants to see my mom fall and never get up. Too bad, God is on our side. He's also jealous that I do well in studies and so on. He never knew I worked part time before, what more currently. He'll die man if he finds out! Confirm double jealous as money's not quite an issue to us unless it's in big dominations lah. Come on, he's just a freaking security guard u know. Not to insult the work line but too bad for them, their pay is just too low for them to afford a good life. Living day by day can be such a pain in the ass, no? Now he knows. He had more than a good life with me and mom but he chose to go so by all means. After all, he hated me since god knows when. He will always be pissed if there's anything concerning me. I still remembered once when he shamelessly shouted at me in front of many people in my religious class when I called him to settle some issues pertaining to registration. He claimed I'm useless as I can't solve such a simple thing coz apparently it's just to check some papers. How am I to know? The management wanted to see him. Moreover, isn't it his duty to be a little more concerned on the first day of school? Damn the list goes on but I'm so highlighting the main events in this post.
Now, all my mom does at home is to sit and think and then pray to God that everything will be smooth. Apart from that, of couse she still cooks, washes/irons the clothes and vaccuum the house. Everything else is handled by me. Imagine how much I need to do each day? I also got my own life ok but I don't complain much coz me and mom needs each other much now. I depend on her for my good life and she depends on me for a listening ear. Basically, just someone to rely on. That's why I always tell my mom to be strong and focused so she can do her work properly and bring back that hard earned money. We can enjoy together and forget the stress. She leads a simple life now as I take care of her daily wears including accesories, bag and shoe. All she does when she's ready to go work is just to put on her clothes and that's it. All necessities will already be nicely packed and put near the main door. It's tiring on my part as sometimes school's enough to make my battery go flat but I never neglect her.
As a mother, she sometimes can get quite typical when all the nagging starts but I can't be bothered. I know what I'm doing and that's it. After all I'm not those who always bothers their parents with nonsense. We live by trust and I love it that way. My freedom was never questioned. I set my own limit and so on. Everything is the same for my mom. What a happy life we're leading. Damn, I knew not having a father around will definitely ease the burden. At least me and mom can go shopping till late night and not worry if that bastard is alive or dead at home. He just doesn't have the same interest as us since he's a typical Malay. Born in Malaysia ok! Dang!
OMG! I never knew being stress can make me write a very very long entry. I must always be stress then! Sheesh touchwood. Who doesn't love a nice and easy going life right? But being stress, to me, is also good in a way that it makes us a little more mature in facing problems that's opposed to us. Oh wells, I have this feeling I can go on and on and on but what's the point? That's it lah really. I've had enough! Pray people, that everything will end real soon. Thanks and have a good time ahead. How I envy if u do. Adios!
Signing off,
Niz
